The Dark Knight - It Doesn't Get Much Darker Than This

With all the buzz about the new movie The Dark Knight it strikes me how little we know about the main character. Everybody knows about Batman and his faithful sidekick Robin. What most people don't think about is, Batman must have had to interview a lot of people before he hired Dick Grayson to be Robin. Nobody else would take the job. The way I heard it, even Grayson would never have taken the job if he had not been broke. Let's face it folks, Robin's job is just plain weird.

Before he hired Dick Grayson, rumor has it Batman tried to recruit Dick Whiteson. Whiteson wanted to work in law enforcement, so he originally applied at the sheriff's department. They did not have any openings, so they sent him to the police department. No openings there, either, so he went to the Constable's office. After being turned away by the FBI, the DEA, the ATF, Fish and Game, and the dog pound, Dick ended up at stately Wayne Manor. Mistakenly assuming the owner was some sort of honcho in Gotham City's police hierarchy, he knocked on the door. Imagine his surprise when Batman answered the door. Batman's faithful butler Alfred normally answered the door, but he was going to rummage sales looking for new Batman costumes to buy.

"I am looking for a job in law enforcement," Dick said. "My name is Dick Whiteson."

"You came to the right place," said the fellow who opened the door. "Bruce Wayne," he said. He motioned with his hand for Whiteson to come in.

"This doesn't look like a police station to me," Whiteson said.

"That's because they have not locked me up yet," said Wayne. "This is stately Wayne Manor."

"I have to ask," Whiteson asked, referring to Wayne's getup, "are you going to a costume party or something?"

"Ha!" Batman laughed. "What a card." He led Whiteson down the hall to a closet, and pulled out some garments.

He showed Whiteson a red vest, a yellow cape, and green bikini pants. Whiteson looked at the costume.

"Is it Halloween or what is it?" he asked.

"That's your uniform. You will wear this on the job. You are going to be 'Robin.' That's why the shirt has a big 'R' on it."

Whiteson started to say he thought the "R" stood for "ridiculous," since that is how he felt. But he restrained himself. You have to restrain yourself when you're looking for a job. "Why don't I get to wear a police uniform?" he asked.

"What, do you want them to think we are security guards? Nobody will know who you are because of the mask which reveals almost all of your face but covers a very small ring around your eyes. Clever, eh?"

"Like Clark Kent putting on a pair of glasses and then nobody can figure out he is Superman?"

"That's right. It's the same principle. It works. Hey, if you think that's bad, watch this."

"Oh, my word," Whiteson said, as he watched Wayne put on his Batman headgear. The cape and body suit were bad enough, but when Wayne slipped his cowl over his head, Whiteson's jaw fell.

"You have got to be kidding," Whiteson said.

"No," Wayne said. "We're going to go out and fight crime looking like this."

"We're going ... you may be going out fighting crime looking like that, but I'm not going anywhere looking like that."

"But this is the uniform," Wayne said. "As Robin you will be running around bad areas of town in this getup at three o'clock in the morning looking for criminals and doing things to tick them off."

"I'd look like The Lone Ranger in that mask."

"Well, no, you wouldn't. The Lone Ranger does not wear green bikini pants."

"Thank goodness for that. Why would you want to look like that?"

"Because I'm Batman, that's why."

"Oh, Batman, is it?" Whiteson picked up the telephone and started dialing.

"Who are you calling?"

"Gotham Psychiatric."

"I'm serious. I am Batman. I go out at night and fight crime looking like this. That's why I am looking for a partner."

"Oh, my word. Well, at least it can't get any weirder than this," Whiteson said.

"Oh, no? Take a look at this." Then Batman opened a concealed panel in his stately manor. Whiteson thought to himself it was a good thing the concealed panel was concealed.

"What is that hole?" he asked, looking at the space behind the concealed and now opened panel.

"That is where I keep my car. I call it the Bat Cave."

"Oh, my word," Whiteson replied.