The Legal Awakening of OJ Simpson

I had lunch with my friend Fred the other day. Fred was a big fan of the first OJ Simpson trial and he expected OJ to get off scot free this time, too. I saw him for the first time since the trial ended and he looked dejected.

“OJ Simpson has been sent to prison,” Fred said.

 “Yes, I heard that.”

 “And he says he did not know he did anything illegal.”

 “Armed robbery, kidnapping, and extortion? He didn’t know that was illegal?”

 “He says he didn’t have a clue.”

 “He’s not a lawyer, is he?”

 “He’s a football player. If he had known it was illegal he wouldn’t have done it on video tape.”

 “Yes, I’ve always wondered why criminals commit crimes right in front of a video camera.”

 “They don’t know living a life of crime is illegal. If they knew crime was illegal they’d ask their victims to please turn off the camera.”

 “Criminals would say please?”

 “They’d say pretty please with sugar on it.”

 “Wow,” I said. “So OJ had no idea he was doing anything wrong.” Then I had a second thought. “Wait a minute,” I said. “ What about attacking people in Florida because he did not like the way they were driving?”

 “People do that all the time.”

 “Or murdering his wife and Ron Goldman. Did he think that was legal, too?”

“He must have. He would not have gone back later and slashed the corpse if he’d thought he was doing anything wrong.”

I still did not buy it. “He ran from the law in a Ford Bronco.”

“Legal.” 

“But he beat his wife for years before murdering her.”

“His lawyer, that Cochran fellow, beat his wife, too. They were both innocent.”

“And sat in the court smirking at the judge." 

“He didn’t see anything wrong with that.”

“And spending thirteen years dodging his creditors and taunting his victims on TV with a book in which he said how he did it.”

“He was clueless. Completely clueless.”

I was shocked. “Poor OJ,” I said. “He didn’t realize some people might object to him living a life of crime. Do you think he will ever know?”

“I think he will have about thirty years to figure it out.”