Tuesday, January 27, 2009

The Stimulating Crapper of John Thain

Well, I wrote to my senator a few weeks ago asking for some of that federal economic stimulus money everybody seems to be getting. No response. I don't think the senator is serious about stimulating the economy. So I tried again.

Here is the text:

Dear Senator:

I was very pleased to read that John Thain of Merrill Lynch used $4bn of our tax money to pay bonuses to himself and his cronies. I was more pleased to read that he bought a $35,000 crapper for himself so he would not have to park his ass on some piece of crap (excuse me) from Wal-Mart or Home Depot. I believe that will really stimulate the crap out of the economy, and I want to say I am glad you guys are doling that money out. Good job, good job.

So I wanted to ask once again for a few billion for me. I don’t think $4bn would be necessary since I am not paying bonuses to any cronies the way John Thain was. Somewhere between $1bn and $2bn would do just fine to start. If I need a few billion more, I will just write again the way Kenneth Lewis did. I will buy a $35,000 crapper for myself just the way John Thain did, and simulate the economy the same way the other rich people do: by buying toys for myself and mansions and having wild parties. I have always been a Democrat, but, seeing as how the Republicans are The Party of the Rich, as soon as that federal bailout money arrives and I am rich, I will switch parties. It’s the least I can do.

I am sure you are serious about stimulating the economy, and it is the end of the month so I sure could use that $2bn. Please send it forthwith. I promise to shop until I drop at least a billion of it.

Yours,

3 Comments:

At January 28, 2009 at 2:25 AM , Blogger Bevie said...

Ha! (about a dozen times)

You've got style. Did you really send this to your senator? I hope you did. It won't do any good, of course.

This bailout sucks. I'll be kicked out of my house some time this year. We can't even got those a**holes out of their offices.

Whatever.

 
At January 28, 2009 at 9:01 AM , Blogger Steve Stubbs said...

Everyone is encouraged to send a copy to their senator with their name on it. No credit required. Unfortunately I have yet to receive a response to the last letter I sent asking for stimulus money.

Actually, it is not a bailout but an economic stimulus. After stimulating the economy for eight years with tax breaks for the rich, record budget deficits, two wars which are as useless and needless as they are endless, all fought for the benefit of the rich, and sweetheart deals for Halliburton and other administration-connected companies, the Bush administration threw in one last stimulus for the rich on the way out the door.

It worked. I am sure John Thain and the others he gave $4bn of out tax money to are not going to worry about being laid off anytime soon.

 
At January 28, 2009 at 11:33 AM , Blogger Bevie said...

Yeah, good ole Georgie. He'll going down in history making Millard Filmore and Calvin Coolidge look like our best presidents. He stabbed us in the back on the way in, and kicked us in the groin on the way out.

 

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