Thursday, March 18, 2010

It Happened in California

It turns out movie star Sandra Bollocks is married, and to a man who calls himself Jesse James, no less. I mean, um, really? And what is really bizarre is that even though Sandra Bollocks is a certifiable knockout, her outlaw namesake husband has been accused of having (gasp!) an affair. I mean, really, who does this Jesse James think he is, an outlaw?

Apparently not.

The row started on Wednesday when a woman who calls herself “Bombshell” McGee told the magazine In Touch that she had a fling with James. Well, maybe it was more than a fling. She claims it lasted eleven months. Whatever.

The interview was with “Bombshell” McGee but the husband of Bombshell Bollocks told Access Hollywood that the claims were "untrue and unfounded." Fair enough. “Bombshell” McGee may be as truthful as the days are long. After all, she is so dedicated to the Amish religion that she had the phrase “Pray for us sinners” tattooed on her forehead. But we don’t know who she is. We might as well give any man named Jesse James the benefit of a doubt. In fact, we can give him a lot of doubt, on this and other matters. Imagine having an illicit affair and having to look at the words “Pray for us sinners” tattooed on the forehead of your paramour. But then he says: "There is only one person to blame for this whole situation, and that is me."

Now that is where I get confused. If “Bombshell” McGee is a real person, and she gave an interview to In Touch magazine, it seems she is responsible in part “for the whole situation” whether the allegations are "untrue and unfounded" or not. If Jesse James is the only person responsible for the mess he is in, as he says he is, then he seems to be leading us to infer that “Bombshell” McGee is really himself in drag.

The tattoo on Bombshell’s forehead must be one of those wipe-off removable things if that is the case. Jesse must put that tattoo on when he makes YouTube videos and then wipe it off when he returns to his Jesse James persona.

So now we have a man named Jesse James telling us or seemingly implying he dressed as a woman and gave a phony interview to In Touch magazine in his alternate persona as “Bombshell” McGee in which he made a lot of accusations he now says are “unfounded and untrue” which he must have intended to embarrass his wife, “Bombshell” Bollocks. Is that what he is saying? Jesse, are you out there?

And “Bombshell” Bollocks is reportedly embarrassed. She moved out of the outlaw namesake’s house and canceled an appearance in London she was to attend to promote one of her films. You can move into my house, Sandra. I don’t want you to be homeless.

If this were Bill Clinton instead of Jesse James and all this happened on the East Coast instead of the West Coast we might find it really weird, but then we would shrug our shoulders and say “Well, of course.” Bill will be Bill.

Since it happened on the West Coast those of us who have ever visited California do not even find it weird. We just say to ourselves that California will be California.

The alleged shenanigans were going on while Bollocks was filming a movie titled – get this – BLIND SIDE.

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