Thursday, October 23, 2008

It's Not Christmas, But He Was Coming Down the Chimney Anyway

It is not Christmas yet, but a man in England was found trying to shimmy down the chimney anyway.

He was not coming down the chimney to deliver toys to the little kiddies. The chimney was not attached to a residence. It was part of the Tesco store in Ormskirk Road, Wigan, England. That’s in Europe for the benefit of the geographically challenged.

If that is not weird enough, he was naked!

The building had a chimney because it was originally a house which was converted into a combination grocery store and department store. At 5:30 in the morning someone heard a man shouting “Help, get me out. I’m stuck.” Store employees called the police, who determined the pleas were coming from the chimney and called the fire brigade. The firemen arrived and discovered an innocent man squirming inside, naked, doing his best to make it appear he intended to burglarize the place even though he insists he is innocent.

He says he was on the roof discussing a loan that was overdue when he suddenly took off all his clothes and fell down the chimney.

He may have a point. If he wanted to burglarize a grocery store, why would he do it naked? People only do that sort of thing when they are on a roof at odd hours of the morning discussing overdue loans.

His attorney, Andrew Stock, believes he is innocent. But nobody else does. He was hauled before a magistrate who set trial for October 29.

To make things even weirder, a prosecuting attorney named Rupert Davies was appointed to handle the arraignment. The defendant’s name is Daniel Davies. When anyone in the court referred to “Mr. Davies,” naturally the question was asked: “Which one?”

As for the Ormskirk Road, Wigan, England, Tesco, it appears Santa Claus may not be coming there this year. To get Davies (the defendant, not the prosecutor) out of the chimney, the firemen had to destroy the thing. Through his press secretary, Santa Claus said yesterday that they have until Christmas Eve to replace or repair it.