An open letter to my senator: Why not bail the rest of us out, too?

Dear Senator,

As you know, the US auto industry, moved by an admirable sense of philanthropy toward China, is dismantling their US operations and going overseas where their brand of management incompetence is in short supply. As you also know, if they don’t get $25bn of our tax money, they might not be able to go to China after all. They might even have a hard time funding the fabulous bonuses that we all know they need and deserve. If they cannot fund huge bonuses for themselves, the auto industry’s managers may take their act somewhere else. That is, assuming there is anywhere for them to take it. It is highly questionable whether there is anywhere for them to go. We cannot let that happen.

The way I see it, if AIG went to the spa on Uncle Sugar’s nickel. Why not GM? Why not Ford?

Not only do I agree with the titans of the auto industry, I as a taxpayer want to go them one better. I would like for you to give me $25bn as well.

If GM has an additional $25bn they can fire all their American workers and go to China. No one can imagine how many Americans will be glad to see the back of them. If you give me $25bn I may go somewhere, too. And then again I may not go anywhere. I am not as incompetent as the auto execs, but I am also not as obnoxious as they are, so that balances out.

Please let me know if the government will fund this badly needed and well deserved bailout for me. Let me know if the answer is yes, and I will send you my PayPal information.

Steve Stubbs

Please feel free to copy this letter, put your name on it, and send it to YOUR senator. Who knows, maybe Christmas will be really sweet at your house this year.